Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Relationship


If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. . . 
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. 
Colossians 3:1-3, 12-17
     Relationships are difficult. There is no way around it. None of us will ever have a long-lasting friendship, working relationship, or marriage without some degree of conflict. We are, all of us, prone to selfishness in our dealings with one another and I am no exception. In my own experience, I have found that the greatest source of conflict in my relationships occurs when I am no longer setting my mind on "things that are above," but rather seeking my own comfort or even my own glorification. It is a sad fact that there remains a part of me that wants some degree of satisfaction, credit, or esteem from my family or colleagues. You may say, "Of course you do. That is perfectly natural," but as disciples of Christ is it not the natural man from which He died to set us free? First Corinthians 2:14 reminds us that "the natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him..." It is not the natural reaction that I desire to achieve, then, but the Christ-like response of humility and love.

     Much of the discord in my personal relationships has come when I feel as if I am being used. If someone asks a favor and I am able to do it, than most likely I will be thrilled to help. If the person has a situation--an illness, small baby, etc.-- that renders them less capable than I enjoy helping wherever I can. Thanks be to God, it is a true pleasure for me. However, I see the natural me rise up when a perfectly capable, Christian person asks favor after favor or gratefully taking without an offer of reciprocation and only seeks to return the deed when they want something more and guilt compels them. That is when I find myself indignant, feeling used and mistreated. 

     But why? Did Christ not say that we are to lay down our lives for our friends? I may not actually commit suicide at their feet, but if I die a little to myself every day, with every act of service, is that so bad a thing? No, it is merely what I am called to do. At times like these, I often find myself in a huff, thinking of the other person as a spiritual cripple who is serving themselves and not the Lord. In those moments, God deflates my swollen pride, pointing out the plank in my eye while I was searching for my comrade's speck! Even if I am right in my assessment of my friend, I have not the authority over them. I do, however, have the painful responsibility to giving account for my own actions and reactions and of repenting when I have forgotten that I am not called to serve my own wounded pride, but to serve my King.
 
     So in relationships, too, I must die to myself and live to God--and forgive every single time I am misused, whether in truth or only by my own perception. I cannot call myself a true disciple of Christ if all I seek in my relationships is to feel good about myself or to serve with an eye toward being served in turn. No, none of those things count as service to the Lord, for they are not done for His sake but for my own. Instead, I am called to meekness, forgiveness, and sacrifice, not only in the major crises but in the minutiae of daily life. Indeed, why would he trust me with anything consequential if I have not been faithful with the little things? And if I am used and mistreated, so be it. It is for the Lord that I have acted anyway, and not for myself. 

     I am thankful for a God who is faithful to answer my prayers. I have asked Him to show me every area I have not fully relinquished, and He is doing so. I have recently found a new level of compassion and respect for my husband that was horribly lacking early in my marriage. I am ashamed to admit it, but I am so very grateful that God has changed my heart and given it to me. I have a wonderful, amazing husband and I am very proud to be his wife. God is challenging me with my children, stretching me far beyond my own capabilities and bringing me to tasks I could never do on my own. In this area, too, I find I can do nothing apart from Him. 
 
    Now I am finding that He is calling me to continue serving others outside my immediate family far beyond what I am naturally willing or able to do. He alone gives me the willingness, and it is His power made perfect in my weakness that keeps me running this race. I will not let my enemy have the upper hand in my relationships, for to do so allows him a foothold in my heart. If I allow myself to become bitter or nurse anger, my heart is overthrown. If I submit my hurt to God, He is faithful to heal my heart and to give me the rest and solace I need. This rest is not based on circumstance or on anything tangible. I find my respite in Him alone. In Him, my joy is full. 

     My Lord, I confess that I often seek to serve myself rather than You. I know that I have been bitter against others or been irritated by them. I am truly sorry for these things, for You have created them as well as me and each one is loved by You, whether obedient or not. It is not for me, Your child, to determine the level of another's obedience; it is only for me to be concerned about my own faithfulness. I thank You for the hard lessons You have taught and for the painful discipline that will later yield a harvest of peace and righteousness. I am Yours to do with as You see fit. Strengthen me to remember that always. When You do show me disobedience in Your other children, cause me to reflect on it only as a warning to myself and may it never become smug self-righteousness in me. Lord, as David prayed, "See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting!" You are worthy of more than I have to give. May I never complain about the little You call me to sacrifice. 

 It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces. Your hands have made and fashioned me; give me understanding that I may learn your commandments. Those who fear you shall see me and rejoice, because I have hoped in your word. I know, O LORD, that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me. Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant. Psalms 119:71-76


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