Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Following the Call



Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
Psalms 127:3-5

     Last Friday I had one of those days that makes a homeschool mom research military academies. It was a day where I questioned everything I am doing, my fitness as a parent and as a teacher, and a day where I was absolutely convinced that I was causing permanent damage to my children's education, psyche, and overall ability to function in the real world. It was a day where I literally took a shower just to cover the sounds of my sobbing as I begged God to release me from this calling.

     He did not.

     He did, however, remind me that my goals in homeschooling were not comfort and ease, nor were they easily measured in terms of test scores. I do hope to provide my children with a more-than-adequate education, for I firmly believe that God has made man with intelligence so that man can magnify his Creator. I know, too, that this same intelligence is subject to the curse of sin and has been spoiled and warped, and this is part and parcel the greatest challenge in my job. Not only do I need to confront my own twisted-up reason, I am to disciple three other humans through it as well. Oy!

    One difference in my school from the public schools (of which there are many) is that my hope is to raise kids who will not just swallow everything I give them and spit it back out, but children who will go before their God with all their questions, apply their minds to His word, and be certain of their faith based on their own God-given reason and their experience with Him. I hope to protect their budding minds against all influences that can dull the edge of the intellect He gave them and twist it to the purposes of the enemy. I also hope to raise thinkers, not test-takers; logicians, not drones; clear-sighted leaders, not blind followers.

     God also reminded me that the primary goal of my home school is not scholastic in nature. I am called to train these kids diligently in the service of the Lord. As a part of my calling, I am raising up warriors for the Kingdom. My greater goal is to exhibit to them a passionate, dedicated following of the Lord wherever He leads. This sometimes means that the kids see me forego something I want to do in order to serve others. Sometimes we lay down our needs even, trusting God to meet them, when someone else has a greater need. Sometimes it means loving discipline when they stray from the narrow path. Often, it means humbling myself in front of them and repenting to God and to them when it is I who have strayed.

      Overall, it is not my goal to merely educate my kids; it is my goal to train them up in the way they should go so that when they are old they will not depart from it. I am also called to invest heavily in my kids, speaking of the commandments of the Lord when we sit down and when we rise, when we walk along, and when we lie down. My success in raising them cannot be measured on this floating ball of rock. God alone is my judge, and it is to Him I must make an answer. I hope they will have an impact on this world, but not as successful business men and women. Perhaps, if that is what God calls them to. However, I would as happily see them giving up all for the sake of the Kingdom of God. Even if they are called to follow in the footsteps of people such as Nate Saint and Jim Elliot--laying down their lives for the sake of their Lord--I cannot claim them for my own. I pray that I can, despite my inadequacies, raise disciplined and surrendered servants to the Living God. I pray that I will not raise a brood of wimpy, self-serving church goers.

     I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I have not yet been released from my call to teach my children. I have one who probably has borderline special needs and another who would without a doubt be labeled "ADHD" if they were pressed upon a weary teacher with too many students and state standards to juggle. Teaching is not an easy job for me, in part because I have never been trained to be a teacher. In fact, in my youthful day-dreamings of what I might be when I grew up, "teacher" fell somewhere near "sanitation engineer" or "kennel cleaner." It was not something I was ever remotely drawn to nor was it an area of natural talent and skill. It is just like God, then, to call me to it because it is in these areas of service--the areas in which I am weakest--that His power can be truly and clearly shown.

     All these reminders I need daily. But also, just like God, my loving Father knows when I need a little light in that dark valley, a little encouragement when I seem to be failing on all points of my calling, both discipleship and academics. I find it in the oddest places, but it is enough to remind me that obedience is never unfruitful. It is enough to give me courage to keep going, following Him until I have expended myself completely, blessedly. Whatever He asks, He is worth it.




Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

1 comment:

  1. Note on 2/28--I have been nearing burnout recently, and God has shown up in some completely unexpected ways. He has supplied me with the strength I need for my own children plus the kids at our community group. He has also brought me to the very razor edge of burnout but has not allowed me to fall over that edge. And out of the blue and just because He can, He has blessed me through the mother of a friend. She has offered to let her daughter and me hang out while she picks up our kids and watches them for a while. It seems her daughter, too, is needing some "grown-up time," but what she did not know is how badly needed it was on my side, too! Even if plans fall through, the mere offer refreshes and encourages me. God is so good.

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