But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, "It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers." And he lay down and slept under a broom tree.
And behold, an angel touched him and said to him, "Arise and eat." And he looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again. And the angel of the LORD came again a second time and touched him and said, "Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you."
And he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mount of God. There he came to a cave and lodged in it. And behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and he said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
He said, "I have been very jealous for the LORD, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away."
And he said, "Go out and stand on the mount before the LORD." And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper.
And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
He said, "I have been very jealous for the LORD, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away."
And the LORD said to him, "Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus. And when you arrive, you shall anoint Hazael to be king over Syria. And Jehu the son of Nimshi you shall anoint to be king over Israel, and Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah you shall anoint to be prophet in your place. And the one who escapes from the sword of Hazael shall Jehu put to death, and the one who escapes from the sword of Jehu shall Elisha put to death. Yet I will leave seven thousand in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him."
1 Kings 19:4-18
I find that I can greatly identify with Elijah in this Scripture selection, especially now that I am coming full circle with this very passage. A few months ago, I was trying to get into words my sense of kinship with this prophet but it simply would not come out right. In a state of discouragement and feeling hopeless and drained, I dropped it. Actually I dropped writing altogether not long after, giving in to despair and feeling overwhelmed by fatigue, migraines, and life in general. In my first attempt at packing my affinity with Elijah into verbiage, I was mainly focused on a sort of commiseration with his loneliness. However, now I see that the similarity between my attitude and his runs much more to the ugly side of things: I can identify with the prophet because I, too, melt into a sloppy pool of whine when I am worn out.
I have been known to say that if my life is poured out to the uttermost in service to my King, it would not be too much for Him to ask. What a splendid and noble sentiment! Unfortunately, it seems that the real me is much less compliant than the idealistic me. In the actual practice of living, I found myself plugging along, serving my God faithfully and with every ounce of energy that I could muster until I rather abruptly found that I could muster no more. I became weary-- the frequent migraines wore on me, private sorrows seemed to redouble their assault responsibility seemed to pile higher than ability, and for whatever myriad other reasons I simply broke down. Just like Elijah, I flung myself down (though on a bed not beneath a broom tree) and begged God to go ahead and take me home. I was done. Nothing left, and no desire to keep spinning in my hamster wheel, waiting on the next migraine or misfortune to derail me and send me careening back into the shadowy vale. I was toast, and a decidedly charcoaled bit of toast at that.
Fortunately for me, God has a great deal more patience than I. When my own children display such dramatics, I am the first to snort a little, raise an eyebrow, and tell them in a most motherly and nurturing way to suck it up. To be frank, there have been times that God has done the same with me, and I needed it. However, at least after my most recent temper tantrum, I apparently needed something more gentle for He has dealt with me much like He did with Elijah from our story today. He sedately listened to me wail and bemoan my fate until I cried myself into a stupor. Then he gave me a time of much-needed rest and woke me only to nourish me. There were no angels and no bread baking over hot coals for me, but there was the Living Water to slake my thirst and the Bread of Life to feed my faltering faith. It was His grace that saw me through my moment of spiritual fatigue and His grace that I am most thankful for today.
God also reminded me that He is gentle as well as powerful and that sometimes I need to still myself to hear His voice. Not only that, He whispers, but even when I do not see evidence of His labors--no rending earthquakes or furious conflagrations to announce His authority--He is still at work. He can still do dazzling deeds as He did during Elijah's ministry in sending fire from heaven to consume the waterlogged offering. However, sometimes the most dazzling work is done within the human heart; a still small voice bringing about changed lives one breath at a time.
And still He did not leave me there. Just as He did so many years ago with the prophet, He reminded me that I still have work to do for Him. I have children to raise, teach, and equip for His work in an increasingly stiff-necked and unreasonable world. If my job is difficult, theirs will be truly impossible without God and without that foundation it is my duty to lay. I have a husband whose battle is very much on the corporate front lines; a husband who needs support and a safe haven to come to when the whole world seems to stand against him.. And like it or not, I still have writing to do, though it may be a battle against my weak flesh and my weaker will to get it done.
So here I am... resting and recuperating, steeling myself for the battles I have yet to fight against physical pain and in raising children counter-culturally in a world of increasing moral decay, hate, and strife. I will fight for my family and work diligently at the things which my Lord has given me to do. By His grace alone I will not fall. I am ready.
I have been known to say that if my life is poured out to the uttermost in service to my King, it would not be too much for Him to ask. What a splendid and noble sentiment! Unfortunately, it seems that the real me is much less compliant than the idealistic me. In the actual practice of living, I found myself plugging along, serving my God faithfully and with every ounce of energy that I could muster until I rather abruptly found that I could muster no more. I became weary-- the frequent migraines wore on me, private sorrows seemed to redouble their assault responsibility seemed to pile higher than ability, and for whatever myriad other reasons I simply broke down. Just like Elijah, I flung myself down (though on a bed not beneath a broom tree) and begged God to go ahead and take me home. I was done. Nothing left, and no desire to keep spinning in my hamster wheel, waiting on the next migraine or misfortune to derail me and send me careening back into the shadowy vale. I was toast, and a decidedly charcoaled bit of toast at that.Fortunately for me, God has a great deal more patience than I. When my own children display such dramatics, I am the first to snort a little, raise an eyebrow, and tell them in a most motherly and nurturing way to suck it up. To be frank, there have been times that God has done the same with me, and I needed it. However, at least after my most recent temper tantrum, I apparently needed something more gentle for He has dealt with me much like He did with Elijah from our story today. He sedately listened to me wail and bemoan my fate until I cried myself into a stupor. Then he gave me a time of much-needed rest and woke me only to nourish me. There were no angels and no bread baking over hot coals for me, but there was the Living Water to slake my thirst and the Bread of Life to feed my faltering faith. It was His grace that saw me through my moment of spiritual fatigue and His grace that I am most thankful for today.
God also reminded me that He is gentle as well as powerful and that sometimes I need to still myself to hear His voice. Not only that, He whispers, but even when I do not see evidence of His labors--no rending earthquakes or furious conflagrations to announce His authority--He is still at work. He can still do dazzling deeds as He did during Elijah's ministry in sending fire from heaven to consume the waterlogged offering. However, sometimes the most dazzling work is done within the human heart; a still small voice bringing about changed lives one breath at a time.
And still He did not leave me there. Just as He did so many years ago with the prophet, He reminded me that I still have work to do for Him. I have children to raise, teach, and equip for His work in an increasingly stiff-necked and unreasonable world. If my job is difficult, theirs will be truly impossible without God and without that foundation it is my duty to lay. I have a husband whose battle is very much on the corporate front lines; a husband who needs support and a safe haven to come to when the whole world seems to stand against him.. And like it or not, I still have writing to do, though it may be a battle against my weak flesh and my weaker will to get it done.
So here I am... resting and recuperating, steeling myself for the battles I have yet to fight against physical pain and in raising children counter-culturally in a world of increasing moral decay, hate, and strife. I will fight for my family and work diligently at the things which my Lord has given me to do. By His grace alone I will not fall. I am ready.
For you are my lamp, O LORD, and my God lightens my darkness.For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall.This God--his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God? This God is my strong refuge and has made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights. He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your gentleness made me great.
2 Samuel 22:29-36
Scripture quotations are from the ESV®
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copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News
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