Eagle's Wings

     Monday was a rather explosive day here at the Davis Academy. The whole crew--teacher and students--woke up exhausted and not really in the mood for school. A little stubbornness on the part of one pupil, a sprinkling of whines, a dash of moaning and groaning, and diminished tolerance on the part of the teacher turned out to be a combination more volatile than nitroglycerin.

     After spending the entire day on the front lines of the homeschool battleground, I went to bed that night physically and emotionally spent. As a result of my fatigue and irritability, I was feeling somewhat rebellious in my spirit. I was asking, "Why me?" questions and allowing my thoughts to drift to what could have been if only I had made different choices. This, of course, is a pointless exercise and I am forced to admit that my regret is really just dressed up self-pity. Some part of me understood this even caught up in the moment and I knew that I needed to breathe a prayer and open up the Word of God before closing my eyes for a much-needed snooze. I have learned that at times like this, I need to find rest in God or my physical sleep will do little good! With that in mind, I recalled a passage He had directed me to a few days previously and decided to begin there.  I opened my Bible to Isaiah 40 and was both comforted and convicted by the following words:

Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the LORD, and my right is disregarded by my God?"  Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:27-31

     I found comfort in the reminder that my God does not grow weary, but convicted of my own faithlessness when I was reminded that His understanding is unsearchable. How am I to know the mind of an ancient, eternal Being who sees and knows all? Could I possibly understand why He had placed me there, in that moment of difficulty, and expected me to simply believe and follow His ways? Certainly not, for I cannot even understand my own, finite motives at times. His understanding truly is unsearchable--it is my lot merely to trust and obey. Really, there is freedom in that--freedom from decisions that are too weighty for a mortal like myself to make on my own.

       I was also reminded to wait on Him (a point He has been pressing upon me lately) and encouraged that, should I obey in this matter, He will renew my strength. And so, my Father rebuked me but gently and with reassurance of His love and grace, for He knew I was too far gone that night to handle anything more.

     The next morning during my Scripture time with the children, we read 1 Corinthians chapter 10 and there it was--the somewhat less gentle reminder to recall what we had "discussed" the night before and an exhortation to act on it in this new day:  

Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.
1 Corinthians 10:12-14

     It was a stark reminder that my previous day's temper tantrum was simply a failure on my part to look for the way out. I had fashioned my plans for the day into an idol and basically succumbed to despair when my idol did not produce results. I expected more from my children than I myself was able to deliver. I could have found the way of escape that God certainly provided, but instead I obstinately stuck to my well-crafted plans and lost it when they crumbled around me. I was so certain of my stance that I was utterly shocked when I found myself landing squarely on my backside.  So I am reminded when I have one of "those" days, flee from idolatry... be flexible and discard my plans if they prove to be worthless and instead look for God's will on that day in particular. Perhaps He is calling both myself and my children to find our rest in Him rather than to accomplish the goals of the great (and sometimes terrible) Professor Mom.

     Much later yesterday evening, God gave me yet another place to turn when the going gets tough; another reminder of His goodness and grace no matter how hard put I am in life. It was a humbling reminder, too, when I realized that it was penned, not by a privileged homeschooler whose greatest challenge is a difficult pupil and a dirty floor, but by a man who was watching the destruction of his city and the captivity, plunder, and rape of its inhabitants. My life is not so hard, and I am ashamed that so often my mind is on me and not on the great and wonderful mercy of my Lord. Here is the sobering and inspiring word that wrapped up my Tuesday:

He has filled me with bitterness; he has sated me with wormwood. He has made my teeth grind on gravel, and made me cower in ashes; my soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, "My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the LORD." Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.
Lamentations 3:15-25

     Praise God for His patience with such a selfish wretch as me! May we all learn to forget ourselves entirely and keep our eyes fixed on Christ, the Author and Perfecter of our faith...

Scripture quotations are from the ESV^® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version^®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.