A Rant

     Let me state up front that this post is not so much a Biblical meditation or what God is showing me in His Word lately. Every word of it is a straight-up rant and I urge you to treat it as such!

     After a conversation in my community group, something finally clicked into place for me concerning the entire topic of "gay rights" or "how the Church should address gay-ness" or "gay anything else for that matter." I have long harbored a niggling...something...concerning this topic that was eternally present at the edges of my consciousness but would not present itself in plain language at the forefront of my mind. Finally, finally, thanks to some of the comments of my friends, I have been able to put my proverbial finger on it.

     What bothers me about the entire issue of how the church should address the gay movement is really two-fold. For one, due to the very nature of the issue, I am being forced to think about how someone else exercises a certain biological function that should remain entirely private. It isn't just gay sex that I find repugnant, it is thinking about anyone else's sex life at all that is odious to me. Perhaps I am a prude. I'm fine with that. But what I do not see is why, in this age of everyone defending their "rights," I do not have as much right not to have the entire world -- in movies, in magazines, and yes, in the gay movement -- jamming its sexuality up in my face and parading it in front of my children as the rest of the world has to make a public spectacle of themselves. I'm not asking for anything extravagant. I would just like to live a simple life free from discussions and visual aids to other people's private lives.

      Folks, seriously here, if we are going to exalt something in humanity, surely we ought to choose something other than our sexual behaviors, deviant or otherwise--something unique to humans, maybe, like music or the ability to read?  Don't mistake me here: there's nothing at all wrong with sex in and of itself... in its proper place (which is another rant for another day). However, when we strip sex of the purposes for which God intended--intimacy, children, family--we are not glorifying it but reducing it to its animal function. All the steamy movie scenes, all the rampant cleavage and seductive posturing, really only brings to mind animals in the rut. It is dehumanizing. To reduce an entire person down and define them by their sexual behavior is dehumanizing. I am troubled by the willingness of an entire group of the population to entirely debase themselves for the sake of a biological function that is less important than eating or breathing. That is one of my objections.

    My second major issue is the media propaganda, which many in the Church are chomping down hook, line, and sinker, and that is the accusation that the Church has abused gays in the past and so now we must go to extreme measures to "show love" to them. Well... we do need to love them, yes, as we should love all people. That should go without saying. However there is "love" and there is "special consideration." Most of what is asked for these days is not to have compassion shown, but to have special consideration above and beyond what the average person should expect, and all this dressed up in pitiful array and pawned off as seeking to be "loved and understood."

     One example of such drivel would be an expectation for a church to conduct a "gay marriage." That is just plain silly. If a person is participating in a homosexual relationship, they are already proclaiming that you do not believe the entire Bible and are positioning themselves outside the Church. Why, then, would a person want a church wedding if  they do not embrace the church or are unwilling to lay down their life for the cause of Christ? It's just a craving for controversy, pure and simple; a desire to have things as one wants them and to hell with the feelings of others. In essence, it is doing to the Church what the Church has been accused of doing to the gay population. The controversy over whether or not the Church should be made to perform gay weddings is not a picture of a downtrodden and oppressed people group looking to rise above their oppressors; it is the adult form of a spoiled toddler throwing a temper tantrum when he doesn't get his way.

     "What's the big deal?" you may ask. I'm glad you did. Think about it in these terms: A junkie should not reasonably expect the church to provide a smorgasbord of  illegal substances to make them want to worship. A serial murderer would not reasonably expect the church to provide him a box to stash his weapons within while he sat in the pew. A porn addict should not reasonably expect the church to provide adult-content magazines in the men's room, nor should an adulteress reasonably expect the church to support her extra-marital affair.  A gay couple should not reasonably expect a church to "marry" them. It patently absurd.

     All of these folks--the junkie, the murder, the porn addict, the adulterer, and the homosexual alike--should expect to be told that Jesus's death was sufficient to cover the most heinous sins possible, that they can be forgiven but that they must repent, and that while He calls us to take up our crosses and follow Him, He is worth following even to physical death and always, always worth the death of our personal preferences. Anyone who truly loves Christ and therefore truly loves you will tell you the same. Your sin, whether it is homosexuality or lust or anger, is still sin and to be redeemed you must first repent of it, turning away from the sin and turning heart, mind, and soul to God. At the point of repentance, THEN any humbled sinner, no matter what their sin, ought to be received with wide-open arms as they work through the difficulties of living a repentant and renewed life in Christ and the pain of shedding the old self and putting on the new. But a person does need to be willing to let the old self go... and so we can see that my agreeing with God on what does and does not constitute sin is nothing personal. It is simply my new self loving my Father enough to say that His words mean more to me than my feelings or social approval.

     One point I must make here that seems to be misunderstood in today's culture: Being told to repent is an act of love. It is a love that is not concerned with the short term but the long term, just as a parent forces vegetables into their children's mouths for the benefit of the child's future health. Sure, there are better and worse ways to do it just as there are better and worse ways to tell someone they have a boog hanging out of their nostril. Whether done tactfully or without tact, it is usually done out of genuine and sincere concern for the eternal soul of the unredeemed person. If it isn't, well, that is between the teller and the Lord, and I would not personally stand in the way. Jesus told people to repent out of love, and it is for that reason that I, along with all who are truly members of the Body of Christ, will say, "Repent! For the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!" It is not because I am angry and hateful. It is because I love you and want to spend eternity enjoying the presence of the living God with you.

     As for the church abusing the gay community  in the past, I'm sure there are isolated instances of gay persons being abused by people within the broad context of the church. Goodness, for that matter, every church congregation is riddled with unbelievers who are there being churchy but who do not actually know and love the Lord! Naturally in the church, with humans involved the sin nature can be seen clearly displayed and mistakes and problems happen. Any person, gay or otherwise, may have been hurt or abused by any other in the church. Even the most steadfast of Christian makes mistakes and is capable of slipping in the most vile ways, including the abuse or mistreatment of another human being.  I have done it. Many of us have. The thing the media leaves out is this: if the abused peoples would search their own hearts, they would see that they have done it, too. We all botch things magnificently when it comes to relationships. It's called sin, and it's the reason for Jesus. The key is not to sit around licking your wounds and measuring them against the wounds of others (to each person, his or her wounds are always worse than their neighbors), but to extend the same forgiveness towards those who have abused you as you expect to receive from those you have abused. This is a teaching of Jesus, but it is also good, plain, common sense.

     Besides, I am equally sure there are also instances of gay persons -- as well as straight persons -- feeling abused by the church because they objected to some of the less liberal teachings of Jesus. I can think of countless instances in my own life before I knew Christ that I was convinced someone was "judging" me when all I really felt was the uncomfortably squirmy feeling of conviction twisting my heart. So please let us take this media blitz with a grain of salt, Christians. Have you, personally, abused anyone, gay or otherwise? If yes, repent and ask forgiveness both to God and to that person. If no, then continue on your way, Soldier of the Cross, and do not let yourself be distracted overmuch by alleged faults charged to anonymous people that you have no control over. What is it to you? You follow Christ. That is all any of us must do.

     These are really my two main objections. Now, allow me state for the record that I do not hate gays, nor do I think God does. Frankly, that is a cop-out designed to distract from the point. God does hate sin, and if a lifestyle is a lifestyle of sin, than that lifestyle is objectionable.  I can hate drug addiction but feel compassion and empathy for the addict. It is no different. I object to the gay lifestyle--as much because it is flung in my face as anything else, and I do not object one iota more than I object to infidelity or promiscuity. In none of these cases do I object to the person, to the one who is deceived. In all cases, I feel empathy toward the deceived because I, too, once bought into lies concerning my sexuality (among other things) and while I never participated in any homosexual activities, I do not consider my sexual sins "better" than those of a homosexual. Mine were just as bad, and I object strongly to my past sins as strongly as I do any present sins, my own included.

     I am incredibly thankful that I was rescued out of my sin by Christ--and you can be, too, no matter how tremendous your crimes against the living God. But if you cannot separate yourself from your behavior--for example, if you are merely "gay" and not just a person who struggles with that particular bent of sexual sin--than that is your affair. I cannot help you, but I do feel pity for you. I promise you that you are more than just your behavior, and I promise you that laying down any aspect of behavior or of personality for the sake of Jesus is worth it. You will not be sacrificing pleasure; you will be learning to take pleasure in new things--in fact, taking pleasure in the very Author of pleasure Himself!  Even more, even if your sacrifice brings you only hardship and trial for the next 50-70 years, what is that compared to eternity? To follow Christ, we are asked to give up this world. That does not mean that all fun will be drained away, it simply means we will find ourselves drawn more and more into Him, loving Him more and more as the process of sanctification is worked out and the pleasures of the world will grow more and more faint. We are asked to give up this brief little life for an eternity so wondrous that our minds cannot even conceive of it.

     I cannot make anyone believe that, of course. But I do with all my heart, and it is why I reject my own sin every time and in every way that it shows itself and have turned -- and keep on turning -- away from sin and toward God, my beautiful Redeemer, the Author and Perfecter of my faith.

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 

But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11, 17-20

A New Name

When Abram was ninety-nine years old the LORD appeared to Abram and said to him, "I am God Almighty; walk before me, and be blameless, that I may make my covenant between me and you, and may multiply you greatly." Then Abram fell on his face. And God said to him, "Behold, my covenant is with you, and you shall be the father of a multitude of nations. No longer shall your name be called Abram, but your name shall be Abraham, for I have made you the father of a multitude of nations. 

Genesis 17:1-5

     There is a somewhat funny story behind what God showed me behind this passage. This year, I am teaching art for young students at a homeschool tutorial. I had a project in mind--to make mosaic pictures out of bits of melted crayon--but due to illness, I was unable to prep as much as I had planned. I had a bag of crayon bits, but I knew it would never cover the masterpieces I had in mind for my sweet kiddos. I had hoped to stay up late the night before ironing more crayon bits, but fatigue drove me to bed and so I showed up the next morning with my inadequate bag of crayon pieces, no idea what I would do with them, and a prayer on my lips. Just before class, I sensed a whisper: "Names. Talk about names and have them decorate their initials."  I cut my paper down to a smaller size and began a word search on the Bible on my phone (sometimes I love technology!). It was Genesis 17: 1 that stood out to me. 

     "Are You sure, God? That seems a bit much for the little ones... the bit about walking before You and being blameless," was my thought but I jotted the verse on the board as the little people arrived and we dove in with me having no idea what would come of it. 

     As it turned out, God had some pretty amazing things to say to me... and to them, I suppose, but I honestly think I am usually the one who learns the most out of these classes! We talked about names: How each of their names was chosen by their parents specially for them and most have a story. How God has many names in the Bible, and how each one reveals something about His nature. How He changed the names of some of His people from time to time to reflect His plan for that person. Then we got to business talking about the passage above. I told them in brief the story of Abram and God--how God had promised Abram a son and made a covenant with him that his offspring would be more numerous than the stars. Due to the age of the children, I did leave out the bits about Sarai and Hagar, instead focusing on this passage where Abram was 99, childless, and still believing in the promise of God. 

     The first name we talked about was El Shaddai--God Almighty. I asked the children why God would reveal His name as "Almighty" to an elderly, childless man at this moment? We decided that it was likely because God was getting ready to do something that was not possible for anyone but an Almighty God! He was going to give this old man and his aged wife a child when they were physically too old for childbearing. He was telling Abram that He could do what He said He could do!

     The next name we discussed was Abram, which means, "High Father." It was at this time that God changed Abram's name to Abraham, meaning "Father of Many Nations." Quite a title for an old man without children, but remember that it was El Shaddai Who named him thus! Sure enough, about a year later Abraham and Sarai (now called Sarah) did have a son, and that son had two sons, and one of those sons had 12 sons... and within a few generations later, the nation of Israel was established! 

     Something I did not mention to the children but that God did bring to my attention is that Abraham--the Father of Many Nations--is not only the father of the Jewish nation, but also my father as well. How is that? He is my father in faith, as Paul wrote to the Galatians: "And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise." (Galatians 3:29)  God's renaming of this man of faith was also a reflection of His plan of rescue that He had already set in motion to redeem the sin-twisted world He had made. What a wonderful name Abraham was given!

     God also told Abraham that through him all nations would be blessed. This promise received its ultimate fulfillment in Jesus Christ who came to die for the sins of all people everywhere. In Him we can now live apart from sin and look forward to eternal life. In keeping with my discussion on names, however, there is one other passage that was in the forefront of my mind that day and in the days since but that I did not bring out to share with the children. It is found in Revelation, and it is a promise that gives me great hope and comfort during times when I am feeling the weight of my sin or my inadequacy. In Revelation 2:17, Jesus says, "He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, with a new name written on the stone that no one knows except the one who receives it.'"

     Some day I, too, will receive a new name from my Lord. However, my new name will be personal, not public as Abraham's was. When I ponder this, I think it must be because Abraham received His new name at the beginning of the redemption story. He was to be the great father of faith, the first one that God singled out and set apart for Himself.  When my new name is given, it will be at the end of the redemption story, or at least the the end of my story. The entire work will be done, from beginning to end, my race run, my part in the Great Story complete. 

     My new name, then,  will not reflect a promise and a hope for the future, but will instead represent what has been done and will already be accomplished within my heart. I do not know what my name will be, but I can speculate that it will reflect the goodness of God in my life, the specific trials He strengthened me through, and especially that it may reflect the final and utter eradication of my sin nature--a new name on an unblemished stone to mark the occasion of my final transformation from glory to glory. In this flesh, my name is Heather--a name tarnished by the sin I have committed. Then, I will have a name that perfectly reflects my Father and His completed work in me; the final restoration of my relationship with Him. . . and every last trace of my sin nature--including my present name--will be eradicated completely.  What a magnificent promise!

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.  

Philippians 1:6

My Valentine

Then he said to them, "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me." 
And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will." 

Matthew 26:38-39

     These words may just be the most perfect living definition of love that I have ever heard. This is love lived out in sweat and blood; love summed up in the sweet agony of utter selflessness; a real and an active love that is not content with flippancy or empty words. This is the ultimate Valentine.

     Every year when Valentine's Day is on the horizon, I find myself mulling over the word, "love." My tendency is to think first of the choice and not the feelings, for while the feeling of love is nice, it is the choice to love that weathers the storms and that brings abiding joy. It is rather tragic that we live in a culture where the feeling of love, the "being in love" part is exalted. That part is a trinket, a fancy, a season that will wax and wane and has no real substance or staying power. The feeling of love can be easily affected by how we slept last night or by what we ate. Why, then, do we prize this feeling so highly? We are like small children: so captivated by the shiny wrapping paper that we miss the value of the true gift inside.

     I am glad that Christ did not value emotion over choice in this instance. If He did, He likely would have given up here, at this moment on His knees and struggling against His own emotion. His emotion said, "Father, please don't make me go through this. Don't make me do it," but His will said, "I submit to Your higher purpose." Jesus acted, not on his feelings, but on the commitment and the long-lasting choice to love.

     This choice, too, is something that deserves a closer look. Ultimately, when I look at this passage, the temptation is to think, "Ah, He loved me so that He was willing to go through all this torture and shame for my sake." However, as I have walked more and more with Him, I am not so sure about that initial assumption.

     I believe that what we see here is not His incredible love for us, but His incredible love for the Father.

     Let me take a moment to dig into this. First, we must remember that in some inexplicable way, Jesus was fully God and fully man. This is a paradox, an impossibility in our eyes, but it does not reflect something unrealistic. It merely reflects our own finite inability to wrap our created, organic minds around infinite, spiritual truths. It is our perception of what is and is not real that is distorted here, and distorted because we are dimensional beings trying to fathom something that goes beyond the realm of our limited, physical experience. We must leave the hows and whys and simply understand that it is because it is and move on.

     Secondly, we must understand that what drove Jesus to His knees on this fateful night was not an overwhelming feeling of affection and tenderness for those men who would soon be mocking Him and inflicting incredible pain, nor was it affection for those who would later come and mock His death by proclaiming His name while living disobediently to His commands. No, it was a desire to find some other way, a hope that maybe God would provide another method by which His will would be done.

     Why, then, did He choose to go through with it? The answer is in the last line of His brief but potent prayer, "Nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will." His love for the Father was so great that He was willing to subjugate His own will--the strong desire to avoid suffering and death--to the will of the Father. It was not feelings of tenderness, but the blunt force of commitment driven by the choice to value the Father's will above His own that brought my Jesus to the cross. He loved us then and loves us now, yes. That is true. And it is and was a love of choice, not of fickle feelings. But when the moment of truth came, it was the true love; the love that prizes the beloved above all that is within the self, that compelled Him to surrender to the cross: It was nothing less than His devotion to the Father that brought Him through the that miserable time of temptation. It was the putting first of God's will above His own that instigated the one, perfect act of love the world has ever seen. He showed His love to us by first loving the Father above all else, even above Himself. We are the beneficiaries, the unworthy recipients of that astonishing love.

     And here is where I hang my hat: on the love of the Father. I postulate to you today that if you love the Father's will above your own, you will find that true, abiding, and lasting love for others welling up from somewhere inside you. If you love Him first and foremost, love for others will be the natural outpouring of that love. It may be true that your marriage stinks, your husband or wife has treated you horribly, you are miserable and unhappy. However, do not miss that Jesus was miserable and unhappy in the Garden that night, but that did not change the driving force of His commitment. His love remained through the temptation, and His love brought Him through it.

     You may not be able to muster feelings of love for your spouse, your parents, your children, your co-workers right now. That is fine. I am not asking you to. Fix your mind and will steadily on the Father right now. Find your first love in Him. Love Him and His ways above all else and be willing to sacrifice everything to do His will. Do not let your marriage go because of feelings: commit to it because of love for God. Do not give up on your children because of your emotion; commit to them because of your love for God.

     A word to those whose marriages are crumbling on this Valentine's day: Don't give up. That is the world's way, the way of the Father of Lies. You will not find happiness and contentment elsewhere if you cannot find it here, because happiness and contentment come, not from your spouse, but from your love for God. Above all else, love God, for He is love and the only source of genuine love. Love Him and His kingdom first, and all the rest will be added to you. Do not stay married out of stubbornness or because you hope you will fall in love with your spouse again. Stay married because you love God; because you know that He hates divorce and you love Him too much to do something He hates. Do it because you truly love Him more than you love yourself.

     You do not have to feel this--choose it. Do it despite your feelings. Christians, if we would lay down our lives for Him as He did for us, if we would lay down our lives for our spouses and families out of love for our great and glorious God, we would find that the choice to love is far finer and more rare a thing than the feelings of being "in love." We will find something purer, deeper, more wonderful than we have yet imagined. We will find true love, lasting love. We will find joy.

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. John 15:9-13

     Happy Valentine's Day!

New Season

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

     Not long ago, I mentioned that this is somewhat of a pivotal year for me. My oldest child turned 13 in January. My youngest will turn 10 in August. My husband and I will both turn 40 this year. What I see facing me this year is a very new season. I no longer have little kids. I am no longer a young woman. By the end of this year, my job--the raising, teaching, and training of my children--will have moved past the half-way mark in its implementation. That is a little scary to me. I have made so many mistakes, but I am reminded that God can redeem anything and everything that I surrender to Him. And so I do... I surrender. My children are not mine: I am a steward. It is mine only to obey, and when I fail, to repent and get back up and try again, always first humbling myself before the Throne of Grace and finding the mercy and help that I need to continue.

     So I spent some time looking back. I saw so many seasons where I kept my kids unnecessarily busy when it would have been better to sit down together and play a game or go on a walk or just lay in the grass and look for cloud animals. I see myself,  an angry, sharp-tongued mother when all my children needed was help and encouragement. I see myself worrying overmuch about some things and not enough about others. I see the roots of some of the heart issues I am now dealing with in my oldest child standing out clearly in the stark glare of hindsight. I see fear that pushed me into decisions that I regret, and insecurity keeping me stuck in situations I should have removed myself or my family from. I see impatience with my husband, impatience with my children, impatience with others. Further back, I see sickening sins, a life of confusion and chaos, a life given over to self, even brooding on self to the point of depression. As I look back, I see a whole host of mistakes trailed out on the path behind me, some still bitter, some sweet reminders of the Lord's redemptive power and incredible, undeserved grace.

     I now look forward and think about what we will do, Lord willing, in the future. What items on our agenda have we done simply because we have always done them that way? Are they useful, beneficial, spurring growth? More importantly, are they bringing us closer to God or distracting us from Him? Are they stimulating Godly thoughts, characteristics, and desires in our hearts, or are they encouraging focus on the cares of the world or on the approval of men? I have to ask these questions personally as well as for my home school. We have done many good things, but this year I find myself asking God, "Yes, Sir, but what is best? What is Your will? What must I do and what must I leave behind?"

     The answers are not always easy to hear. However, it has been my experience with God that the more wholeheartedly I obey, the more peace I have. It is only when I have wandered astray from His will  or struggled against it, or when I have failed to take every thought captive in obedience that I find myself in inner discord. Knowing that, as I look back on the wreckage of poor decisions, what decisions will I make tomorrow? Will I run ahead, risking running helter-skelter down the wrong path? Will I dawdle and lag behind, missing the intensity of seeing my Father in action?

     In this new season, too, I hope to put an end to fluctuations, or as Paul calls it, being "tossed to and fro by the waves." No longer do I want to go through some form of spiritual ebb and flow; Iwant only to grow closer to the Lord, not fall back from Him.

    It strikes me as I write this that our Christian walk is the only real area we will talk of growth on one hand and "backsliding" on the other. If a child or a plant stops growing, we do not say they have "backslidden" and will soon make it up. We are concerned about disease or failure to thrive, we run tests, we try to find the problem and correct it, or if it is a plant, we give it a little time and then we uproot it and cast it away. However, in our spiritual walk, we will talk of growth when it is convenient to do so and then talk about waxing and waning at times when we are not experiencing growth. I am afraid I have been guilty of this too many times, this spiritual failure to thrive when all I was really doing was indulging sin.

     For myself, I am no longer content to talk of  my pride and selfishness as merely times I am not as close to God. I want to address them as they are: sinful states of distraction from which I must repent and come back to His side, no longer excusing them because I am only human. Of course I am only human. That is why Jesus died--so that I could be saved from this  hopeless state. It is why I must now always, relentlessly, repeatedly come before the Throne of Grace, abide in Him, and take every thought captive to obey Him. I believe it is possible to live a life that reflects growth and surrender. Why? Because His Word says it is possible set the mind on the Spirit, to walk according to the Spirit, to live with Christ once I have died with Him. I want to move forward, to press on, to grow, and in doing so I want my children to learn to do so as well.

     For me, I pray that this new season will be one of growth and greater humility. I want my life to exhibit continual and obvious increase of the fruit of His Spirit. I want my responses to be Godly and thoughtful, my reactionary tendencies to be reigned in, my entire being given over to Him. I desire to be more loving, more thoughtful, more humble, more of a servant and less self-serving. I long not to be in a hurry, to take the time to develop and encourage my children's hearts and hunger for God. I want to invest in people, to help the poor and needy, to spend time with my family.  I hope to be a better wife, a better mother, a better disciple--in short, I hope to become more Christlike. As I enter this new season of my life, I see a time for putting aside all things that hinder the race and for diligently training for eternity, no matter what the cost.

     As a matter of fact, it has long been this time. I have just been slow to see it.

"No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish." And he told this parable: "A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. And he said to the vinedresser, 'Look, for three years now I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and I find none. Cut it down. Why should it use up the ground?' And he answered him, 'Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure. Then if it should bear fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.'" Now he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. 

Luke 13:5-10

The Sobering State of the Union

     As I read through Jeremiah with my children, I see some absolutely chilling parallels to the King's City in that day and the state of our nation in ours. I am aware that last night was our country's annual State of the Union address. I don't know what the President said. I did not watch it and I do not care. I sincerely doubt that many of the words spoken by him were true--not because he is black and not because I disagree with a majority of his policies, but because I do not think any of the Presidents in my time have been completely open and honest about the state of this Union.

      Actually, it would be more accurate to say that they have probably all been entirely ignorant of the true state of the Union.

     Oh, I'm sure that such topics as war and education and healthcare and the deficit were touched upon. There are several matters that the state of the Union addresses, but most of these things are absolutely superficial, and in the face of eternity, unimportant. No matter what we like to think, this Union will not last forever. Like all great civilizations, it had a beginning and someday it will have an end. That is a fact. It may last until the Lord comes again, but it will not last forever.

     When we examine it in that light, what really matters is not the policies or procedures, not the sad lack of actual education nor the absolute disaster of a healthcare machine that we have implemented (and here I am not talking about Obamacare, but about the monster that we have created over decades of horrible eating, overdiagnosing, rampant lawsuits, and the desire to have a pill to cure everything from obesity to sadness--the desire to have someone else fix what we, ourselves, have broken.)

     No, what really matters in the state of this Union is its spiritual health. What does the average individual within it live for? Where is its moral compass and how humble are its leaders, how open to criticism and change? What are we teaching our children, what values are we instilling, what emphasis do we put on hard work? What are we rewarding in the next generation--mediocrity or sacrifice and commitment? What are we filling our own hearts and minds with? Do we seek God's will or do we place Him in a partition separate from our goals, our finances, our entertainment? Are we, in fact, concerned with eternity at all?

     If our nation's leaders saw the true state of the Union, there would be a wholesale return to God, massive repentance, fasting, and a stark and genuine change in the way things are done. If they really saw the state of the Union, red tape would be cast aside and the nation would turn, or at least begin to turn, because the true state of the Union is dire, and we have wasted enough time pretending that things might just somehow turn out all right in the end. But I am afraid that, as a nation, we have surrounded ourselves with teachers who tell us what we want to hear, just as Paul warned Timothy in his letter so many years ago. Look at what God said through Jeremiah:

But in the prophets of Jerusalem I have seen a horrible thing: they commit adultery and walk in lies; they strengthen the hands of evildoers, so that no one turns from his evil; all of them have become like Sodom to me, and its inhabitants like Gomorrah.    Jeremiah 23:14

     Let's face it: we have, as a nation, embraced immorality. Adultery is rampant and marriages are being shredded like tissue paper in a waterfall. Most people marry to become "happy," and not for the sake of actual love (which is sacrificial and selfless) and commitment. Coupled with this is an absolute torrent of sexual temptation and enticements to further immorality. Divorce is accepted. The slaughter of babies for the sake of convenience or prosperity is accepted--a thing that we find unspeakable when we read about it in the Old Testament but we gloss over when we see it performed surgically in a sterile clinic. Extra-marital affairs are accepted. Even among professing Christians, these things are deemed acceptable, and sex outside the bounds of marriage is not frowned upon if the couple is in a "committed relationship." Folks, let me say this without any reservation: If you are not married and committed for better or worse 'til death do you part--no matter what--you are not in a committed relationship. You are just excusing sin for the sake of convenience.

     Now I am not saying an indiscretion or a mistake cannot be forgiven--we are promised forgiveness...if we are repentant. Yes, if we believe in Christ and accept Him, but how can we possibly do that without being repentant? If we truly believe that He is the Diety Incarnate who gave His life in our stead, how can we not be humbled and shamed by our own sin? How can we not experience the "Godly grief that produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret? (2 Corinthians 7:10)" Make no mistake: blowing off repentance because "Jesus died for me and so I am forgiven" and then continuing to embrace a worldly and sinful lifestyle is nothing less than trifling with the sacrifice of God's only Son, and I do not believe that shows a contrite heart that God will accept. As a matter of fact, I wonder if it wouldn't be better to place oneself under the Law than to treat lightly the incredible Gift God has given us in Christ....

     Let's look a verse down and see what else is said in Jeremiah:

Thus says the LORD of hosts: "Do not listen to the words of the prophets who prophesy to you, filling you with vain hopes. They speak visions of their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD. They say continually to those who despise the word of the LORD, 'It shall be well with you'; and to everyone who stubbornly follows his own heart, they say, 'No disaster shall come upon you."

For who among them has stood in the council of the LORD to see and to hear his word, or who has paid attention to his word and listened? Behold, the storm of the LORD! Wrath has gone forth, a whirling tempest; it will burst upon the head of the wicked. The anger of the LORD will not turn back until he has executed and accomplished the intents of his heart. In the latter days you will understand it clearly. 

Jeremiah 23:16-20

     Friends, enemies, and whoever else may read this, this is not a good picture. I am afraid that even many of our churches could be lumped in with those "prophets" of old that God condemns here. Let us not be that way anymore! As the Chruch, let us humble ourselves and turn back to God. Let us be willing to hear hard words about our own sinfulness. Let us reject immorality and worldliness and embrace repentance and Godliness. Let us turn wholesale back to God, each one of us. Even if it hurts, even if it is inconvenient, even if it requires extraordinary sacrifice, it will be worth it. Let's keep our bodies clean as the temple of God, not defiling them with excesses of any food or drink nor with sexual immorality. Let's protect our marriages and not allow selfishness to creep in and destroy the picture God Himself has given us of Christ and His church, remembering as we do that each marriage projects that image to the world. Marriage is not about our happiness: it is our solemn duty and responsibility to present a pure and unblemished portrait of our relationship to our Lord, of commitment, of sacrifice. In this and all other realms, we cannot take the parts of the Gospel that we like to hear and neglect all the uncomfortable bits about repentance and sacrifice and taking up our crosses. This is simply something we cannot afford to do.

     Let us live in such a way that our very lives proclaim that we truly believe Jesus is the Son of God, God incarnate, who lived a perfect life and died in our stead. Let our lives shout out that He is worth it--He is worth raising unwanted children or sticking through the hard times with our spouse. He is worth doing without luxuries so that we can commit to training our children or feed the hungry. He is worth the sacrifice of our Starbucks or our vacation to see His word spread and His will done. He is worth finding out what His specific will for each one of us is and doing it, whether I have listed it here or no.  He is worth total and uncompromising obedience.

     The state of our Union will not change without us, Christians. It will only change if we truly seek God with our whole heart, humbling ourselves, repenting, and living lives that are not identical nor even similar to the values of the world. As James said it, "Friendship with the world is enmity towards God." We cannot have both. The time has come to choose.

Help

And Abraham said to God, "Oh that Ishmael might live before you!" God said, "No, but Sarah your wife shall bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his offspring after him. As for Ishmael, I have heard you; behold, I have blessed him and will make him fruitful and multiply him greatly. He shall father twelve princes, and I will make him into a great nation. But I will establish my covenant with Isaac, whom Sarah shall bear to you at this time next year." 

Genesis 17:18-21

     I cannot help but note here that, as far as His covenant goes, God squarely rejected Ishmael despite Abraham's plea. He did bless Ishmael and also promised that nations would come from him, though to be fair He also told Ishmael's mother that her son would live in conflict (cf Genesis 16:12). However, Ishmael was not to be the son of the promise, the son in whom all the nations of the earth would be blessed. Why is this? I firmly believe that it is because Ishmael was the product of the flesh--Sarah and Abraham's attempt to "help" God fulfill His promise.

     I am challenged by this in a very personal way. How many times have I tried to help God... as if the Almighty could truly benefit from my clumsy effort?  Sometimes I may do it out of a fear that if He doesn't come through, God will lose face--a rather silly fear, really, when you think about whether or not the Almighty really needs the approval and admiration of mankind!  At other times, my helpful nudges are really thinly disguised impatience. Like Abram and Sarai, I find that God does not often work on my timetable, and if there is a promise, I become antsy to make it happen.

     There are a dozen or so other reasons, but when I look closely I find that underlying it all is my old arch-enemy: unbelief. If I really believed God, would I feel this pressure to try to make things happen? Of course not! And of course, when I try to fulfill God's promises with my efforts, I may do some wonderful things, but they are wonderful things that He ultimately rejects, though He may bless their outcome. He is far less interested in my careful efforts or my striving than He is in simple obedience. And obedience sometimes means, "Get a move on," but at other times it means wait.

     More than this, however, is the haunting realization that my efforts to help God along often cost much. In the case of Abram and Sarai, it caused conflict in their marriage, conflict between a woman and her servant, conflict between Abram's sons, and decades and decades of conflict in the descendants of Ishmael and Isaac. Not much good was done, really, and a whole mess created. And in the end, despite it all, God still rejected Ishmael.

      This January I find that I am spending more time in reflection than in years past. In some ways, it is a pivotal year for me, though I will get into that in another post. Mostly, however, I am finding an increasing desire to get this Christian walk right. After all, if it is really the only thing that will outlast my physical body, should it not be the most critical item on my daily agenda? Though I have made many mistakes and failures and though I am not expecting perfection, I do believe that I can consider myself "dead to sin and alive to God in Christ," as Paul wrote--and that I can live that way. For years, I think I have focused on my foibles and failures, and while I probably still will pay them homage, I no longer want to stay fixed there. My desire is to live the rest of my life bringing attention away from me--whether I am in victory or defeat--to the One in Whom ultimate victory is achieved.

     It is, after all, a denial of His power when I stay stuck in my defeat as well as when I arrogantly try to assist Him in accomplishing His will using my own methods. I want to mention trials or failures only with the express purpose of exalting the One Who lives above them and draws me and all His followers ever onward, and I desire to honor Him as ever capable and faithful in His abilities. This means absolute surrender. This means total submission in such a way that I no longer either set my mind on the flesh nor acting according to flesh-borne ideologies, but instead I am simply and totally focused on and following the guidance of the Spirit of God.

     For I see that all the works of the flesh--whether well-intentioned or no--are rejected by God. I cannot help Him. I cannot even help myself. But He has done all that is needed to help me, and I firmly believe that I can walk a closer walk with Him with each passing day and year, walking further from my flesh and leaving it behind to become more one with the Spirit of God. Is that not the purpose of a journey--to draw closer to the destination? My destination and sole motivation is Him and Him alone.

      This really came home to me recently when I was talking with my son. He has tried so hard to be good, but he had not, at the time of our discussion, recognized his inherent inability to be good. Only God is good, and only in submitting to Him, abiding in Him, can we hope to produce fruit worthy of His Kingdom. It is actually His work in us producing it and nothing at all that we can accomplish though we expend every ounce of effort and exertion that exists in our flesh. I realized as I spoke that I, too, have spent many years and much effort in a struggle to be a good Christian. In the end, I find, my Father rejects my exertions and simply waits on me to come to Him, rest in Him, abide in Him, and obey. He will do the rest. It is only the efforts of His Son that are acceptable; it is only by abiding in His Son that I can produce any acceptable fruit. It will take setting both my mind and my will firmly on Him and then simply following. Obeying. Letting go of any pretense or belief that I can do these things in my own strength. For when I am weak, then He is strong.

 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. 

Romans 8:6-9

     

Fountain

Be appalled, O heavens, at this; be shocked, be utterly desolate, declares the LORD, for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water. 

Jeremiah 2:12-13

     We do not like to hear difficult news. It isn't much fun, I have to admit, especially when said news involves an uncomfortably close look at my own behavior. My pride does not enjoy the buffeting that comes from a confrontation of my sin. However, the longer I have walked with God, the more I see the absolute necessity of these moments. If I cannot humbly ask God to search my heart and know my thoughts, well... I am not drinking deep from the Fount of living water but trusting in the cracked and leaky vessel of my silly and rather vain human pride, either by trusting in my own effort or ability or by accepting a cultural standard that is man-made and fleeting. This brief passage has given me pause for both personal reflection and for a close look at my expectations as a part of the Church at large.

      Lately I have been wondering how much of our modern church services are driven by such cultural expectations and efforts. Have we allowed the show to upstage the Almighty? I love some stirring music as much as the next gal, but I do sometimes fear that what passes for "worship" in many churches today is not actually the simple and unadorned worship of the Father fueled by a hunger for His Word and His presence and marked by repentance and obedience, but something far inferior. I fear that it is nothing more and nothing less than emotional response. The plain fact is, we do not need music or color-coordination or conducive environments to worship. Worship just happens, and it happens from a recognition of the majesty and worthiness of God. Worship cannot be manufactured: it is the natural response to our mighty King.

      Just the other day as I read this passage to my kids, I pondered it in light of the current church trends. When we, the Church, allow human expectations to define our worship services, are we then trusting in the Fountain of Living Water? Or have we hewn out cisterns for ourselves, cisterns that we expend enormous energy trying vainly to fill only to watch our efforts drain away while we sit by, exhausted and helpless to stop the leak?  I do not claim to know the answers; it is just something I have been contemplating. I do know, however, that many people are out there searching, searching for just the right worship environment rather than simply seeking the limitless Fountain which will, without fail, well up to an overflow. I have seen that worship can happen in the midst of intense pain as well as in the midst of beautiful and stirring music. True worship is really a reflexive response to the work of the Holy Spirit and cannot be conjured by any amount of human effort or will. I hope to see a return to sincere worship in our churches in my lifetime. I pray for it in my own heart, as well.

    God has made me realize lately just how deeply I, too, have based my ideologies and standards upon these fractured and fragile, man-hewn cisterns. You see, I tend to view my life--my use of time and other resources, how busy I am, my assessment of my own spiritual condition--not by God's standards but by measuring them against my peers. This is an area in which God has been dealing with me lately, pointing to the leaks and flaws in the cisterns I am pouring my energy into and beckoning me to sit by His Fountain and be filled. I have spent years striving ceaselessly to keep my spiritual life "full," but for years I neglected to begin with humility, repentance and surrender. I have tried to be "good," but in the end my best efforts are no better than filthy rags. What I need is to abide--to be a part of the living Vine, to trust entirely in the Fountain of Living Water and allow His life, power, and love to suffuse every element of my being until I am utterly eclipsed by it. May He increase and I decrease.

     My prayer today, Father, is that I will no longer commit these two evils. Teach me to forsake my flawed human understanding and surrender entirely to Your perfect will. May Your Living Water well up within me to an overflow, for the glory of Your Kingdom and of Your name. Let it be Your power that others see in me--power over sin and over the cares of this world. I ask for Your forgiveness for my arrogance in carving out my own, leaky vessels. I pray, too, for Your forgiveness for our churches. I pray that we, as Your Bride, would humble ourselves completely and listen to Your will for us. Help us to let go of all expectations that we have created and heaped upon ourselves and open our hearts to pure and sincere worship of You, our King. 

Thus says the LORD: "Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls...  

Jeremiah 6:16