Thursday, December 6, 2012

Alone


At that hour Jesus said to the crowds, "Have you come out as against a robber, with swords and clubs to capture me? Day after day I sat in the temple teaching, and you did not seize me. But all this has taken place that the Scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled." Then all the disciples left him and fled.
Matthew 26:55-56
     I am not what one might call a typical American female. I did not like to play with hair as a child. I am two years shy of 40 and have never had a mani/pedi--and in fact only recently learned what that cutsie little abbreviation means. My hair color is natural. I loathe the fickle nature of fashion and in fact have a deep mistrust of everything that is faddish or trendy, be it clothing, home decor, or anything related to diet. I am clueless about accessories, both personal and home-related and I haven't the faintest idea why anyone would own more than one purse at a time. Makeup is something I am trying to learn (yes, at 38), mainly in an attempt to disguise the onset of what appears to be the early stages of zombie-ism and so I can try to have something to teach to my daughters when they become interested. Perhaps also to avoid embarrassing them.
     There are things that I do get, of course. Pregnancy, babies, and nursing. The craving to be loved. The desire to feel beautiful, which I do have to admit is rather awkwardly juxtaposed with some of my other eccentricities. When I was a young woman, those quirks left me feeling quite alone--a drab black ewe in a whole flock of glamorous and sparkly white ones.
     Now that age and experience have mellowed me, I am much more comfortable in being who I am. I am all girl, and some of those peculiarities that used to make me feel freakish have actually been a tremendous boon to both my husband and myself in our marriage. I may explore that topic a bit in another post, but for now I am concentrating on the feeling of lonesomeness. I have felt it most of my life, even within the context of family and particularly in the company of other ladies.
     Lately, however, I have meditated on the lonesomeness of Jesus when He walked the earth. There is no Biblical reference to suggest that He ever felt a deep loneliness, however I cannot help but think that since He was entirely human, having given up His glory and power, He must have been subject to entirely human emotions. Quirky though I may be, I do always have some common ground to fall back on when struggling to relate to another woman. I am, after all, still a woman. Jesus was a man, but He was also the divine Son of God--Immanuel, God With Us, incomprehensible to us and yet not impossible with God, for nothing is impossible with Him.
     Despite that seeming paradox, He did willingly set aside His glory and exchange His majesty and splendor to be born as an infant; the Creator subjecting Himself to the struggles of His creation in the greatest act of humility the world has ever seen. He was tempted. He felt pain. The main difference between Him and us is that in His struggle, He never committed sin. I cannot help but wonder if that was a lonely road to walk. Imagine being the only Person you know who is in complete and perfect harmony with the Father always, walking without sin in a world teeming with it. Imagine having a viewpoint of crystal-clarity and perfection and trying to relate to others whose their entire worldview is tainted, stained, and twisted. When I struggle to relate to another lady, I can almost always fall back on childbirth or children or some common experience that all women share. Jesus had no one who shared His experience of being the Messiah, of dwelling in the midst of iniquity and never tasting of it. No one with whom He could reminisce, "Remember when we had all power and dwelt in the majesty of heaven itself?" He was truly unique.
     When loneliness encroaches on me now, I remember Him. I think of how He must have felt, and how far His experience is from mine because I have sinned and I do share that tainted viewpoint with everyone else on the planet. He did not share in that, He came to rescue us out of it. He alone was perfect, the complete Man as Man was created to be. When I feel rejected, I remember that my Lord, too, "was despised and rejected, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief," and my own sorrow is lightened, knowing that, "He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows," (Isaiah 53: 3-4).  When what He calls me to do is unpopular, I think of Him and I am comforted, knowing that He has borne much more than I ever will and has come out victorious on my behalf. Truly I can never be lonely again, for He will be with me always--and He does understand.


Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. 
Hebrews 4:14-16



Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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