Duty

When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you. Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.

Psalms 73:21-28

     In my few years of walking with God, there have been times that I shrink away from Him or from some service He has commanded. These times are shamefully numerous, I have to admit. Actually, I believe that we go through it again and again with each new school year. I will say to my eldest child, "Must I fight you every year to do what you know you are going to have to do anyway?" and I think I hear God clearing His throat.  For I, too, balk and whine at the beginning of each new year. "It's too hard. It's too much. You have given me more than I can do in a day. Training these children is grueling. I have not enough time for housework, and just look at the yard! My garden is overrun. I've no time for writing, either..." and on it goes, but as I complain, I can sense the significant look He casts my way. The truth is that I, too, am merely digging in my heels for tasks that I know I must do anyway.     

     What I have learned, however, is that when I doubt that I can fulfill a task He has given me, what I am really doubting is Him. I have become "brutish and ignorant," turning from His freely-offered grace to sulk and nurse my hurts, either real or imagined. I am no longer listening; I am merely pouting and wanting my own way. However, He never lets go, and I am so very thankful for that! He allows me my moment of sullenness and then gently--or sometimes not so gently--reminds me that He is my portion and not my pastimes or the even the fruits of my labor. He is less concerned with my task list than He is my attitude toward it.  

      He also reminds me in times like this that He is my strength, and that this is subtly different from giving me strength. It is that hard-to-describe inward act of surrendering control--my will subjugated to His. No, often I cannot do these things by myself, at least not in a way that brings Him honor and glory. But He will guide me with His counsel. He will be the strength I need when I stop striving on my own and instead rest in Him. In the event my flesh and my heart do fail, He reminds me that the goal of my efforts is not a spotless house, well-manicured yard, and perfectly disciplined and well-educated children. It is more about the heart of the matter: My own surrender to God's ways above my own in the living out of a life given wholesale to Him, the training of my children in the the ways of the Lord, obedience and diligence in God-given tasks and heartfelt repentance for my sins--even the sulks. Hopefully as I do this, I will pass on to these children a passion and zeal for serving and loving Him. This does not mean I neglect the housework or let the yard fall to ruin. It merely means that I put first things first: His kingdom and His glory before my own pride in house and family. His ways before mine. His will before mine.    

     Paul said it well, so I will quote him here: "Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all,"  (Philippians 2:14-17).  So what He has given me to do, I need to set my face toward it and work diligently to that end, not grumbling or complaining. If I am poured out in His service, than so be it. It is not my own pleasure I am created for, after all, but His.     



You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalms 16:11

Scripture quotations are from the ESV^® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version^®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.