Deliberately Designed

O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you. Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me! They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain! Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!

Psalms 139:1-24

     I had a moment just the other day; a shocking, wonderful moment where I truly realized--not just logically, but in my heart--that one of my son's most annoying and disheartening characteristics could turn out to be his greatest boon if applied correctly. You see, he is a little bit obsessive. . . well, maybe more than a little bit.

     He tends to find something to fixate on, and once he does, it is nearly impossible to bring his mind away from the object of preoccupation to something else. Unfortunately, for now his obsessions tend to be rather unhealthy or negative. He will mourn endlessly over one of life's little irritations, obsessing over how he thought it should have turned out or what could have been different. Or he will have a friend and fixate on that one person to the exclusion of everyone else, making other kids feel that they are not liked by him. Or an idea for a game or even the idea of playtime will dominate his thoughts and crowd out every math fact he has ever learned. He peels his toenails down to practically nothing and he cannot seem to leave them alone. The list is endless, really.

     In watching a particularly passionate preacher just days ago, it occurred to me that this is  quite possibly a characteristic that they share. The difference is that this man's fixation is on the Lord and His word, which has far greater merit than the latest Lego kit trend. I am sure that the apostle Paul was also intensely driven, and no doubt Elijah and many of the other prophets seemed unnaturally impelled to the mass of men. I have no doubt that if he does not outgrow this obsessive tendency, the Lord will sanctify it, so from now on my prayer is that my boy will have a humble, submissive heart and will give his passion to the Lord to use for His purposes and not try to cling to it himself.

     Truth be told, my middle daughter is highly intelligent and creative but also highly disorganized and dreamy, often losing track of what she was supposed to be doing within moments of being told. If she were in public school, I have no doubt that her harried and overworked teacher would press me to medicate her for Attention Deficit Disorder, but praise God that I fight that battle at home on my terms, and I fight it with the Sword of the Spirit rather than with a bottle of pills. 

     Concerning these things, there is a fact that is frequently overlooked by American culture: when it comes to our kids, there is nothing "wrong" with them no matter how differently they are wired. They are created by God, formed and fashioned by Him, and there is absolutely nothing accidental or messed-up about them. He made them just as He means them to be. Naturally, they are all corrupted, just as we are, by the sin nature. That is why it is our job to teach them about the Lord and His ways, to model that, and to show them what it means to be God's bond-servant.  But whatever their strengths or weaknesses are, we must not forget it is God who has created each individual, and He has fashioned them precisely as He planned them to be. It is such a component of our modern culture to look upon any observable eccentricities in our children as something unwanted and to attempt to drive them out, or even to attempt to smother it with medication. Would it not be a better use of our time to humbly and prayerfully seek the will of the One Who formed them, to ask Him what His purpose was when He created the child thus, and to direct each child to Him instead?

       I know that my son could perhaps be diagnosed as Obsessive/Compulsive and possibly even have a hint of something under the autistic spectrum umbrella, but I choose not to pursue that path. My middle daughter exhibits nearly all of the symptoms of ADHD that I find listed in various magazines and pamphlets, but I would rather teach her to funnel and focus that energy rather than sedating her. Instead, I am highly motivated (although I confess that I am also frequently frustrated and discouraged!) to point  them both to the Lord. I want them to seek the counsel of their Creator in understanding why they were given the peculiar set of traits that make them  uniquely themselves. I want them to get to know the goodness of a God who is sovereign even over our weaknesses, and in fact wants to use our weakness to bring us humbly to Himself. I want them to adore and worship the Lord who died for them, and I want them to choose willingly to pick up their crosses daily and follow Him.

     There are times I would love for my son to just be easy-going and eager to please rather than capricious and stubborn. I often long for my daughter to simply walk through the house without leaving a trail of books and papers in her wake. However, as much as I would like painless parenting, I more earnestly desire to see my son's obstinacy and obsession transformed into passion and steadfastness for the risen King and all His commands and ways, and for my daughter's creative mind, high energy, and natural gift for making friends become focused into desire to serve her Lord with all the creative, spontaneous, and charismatic energy she can bring.

     The simple fact is: even at its best, parenting is hard work. It is often brutal and always messy. However, I know that my God has given these children to me in order that I may train them diligently, to teach them self-control and obedience, and to hone their gifts -- which are not always viewed as such by our culture -- for Him to use when they reach that place of total surrender to their God and King.  It is not easy work and I certainly do not feel myself capable or qualified. I frequently falter or fail, and I am tempted many times over to give up and ship them off to someone who is trained or more qualified than I, at least in the eyes of the world.

     Then I remember that God has told me, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, do not tremble or be afraid. The Lord your God is with you wherever you go," (Joshua 1:9). He has said, "These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children..." (Deut. 6:4).  When I grow lazy about my job, He reminds me that, "whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who love him is diligent to discipline him," (Proverbs 13:24). And above all, He reminds me that He knew what He was doing when He created my children. He  that all I need to do is to seek His face every moment of every day, to utterly surrender my all, to trust, and to obey. In the end, the hardest thing He has ever given me to do--raise my children well--turns out to drive me to the very thing I desire the most; to draw ever nearer to the great Creator God of love and mercy.

     Most gracious Father, the Creator of us all and our Sovereign Lord, I thank you for the gift of children and of child-rearing. I thank you for the humility it brings as I am forced daily to face my own inadequacy and faults. I praise You that You have allowed me the glimpse of what it means to be Your child through the children You have entrusted to my care. I ask for Your forgiveness for myself and for all of my brothers and sisters when we have taken our duty as parents lightly. I repent of trivializing this grave responsibility You have given me to shepherd these children as they grow, and I am forever thankful that You are there and have not left me to perform the task alone. May I always remember to call on You in times of crisis or need, whether small or large. I know that I am feeble and unworthy, often even unwilling, to do this job well. I pray that You will strengthen and guide me, that You will keep me from wandering off the narrow path, and that as You walk through it with me, I will see what I must do to train and prepare my children to walk the narrow path with You as well. I ask this in my Savior's name and I commit myself and my children to Him, amen.

Scripture quotations are from the ESV^® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version^®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.